Kms

Hurts a lot. 

A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. 

My body is shivering. It's one and yet it feels like its its falling apart. Its cold. Inside me, outside me. 

Teeth clatter. Anxiety is puppetering. Amazing screenplay.

The clot in my throat is a noose. Ahahahahahayoudiditagaindidntyou. You lilshite of a heart. You trash of a head. A waste bundle of nerves. Ahahahahahaha. Funny. Miserable. Funny again. The downhill is quite a swing. This is what I get for stealing things unsee from the spirits of people I meet. This is what I deserved. It was long time due. I knew I was too happy. Too happy. Too happy too happy. Too happy that I forgot my place. What I deserve. I had a life with my muse. Too good to be true. I thought he cared. Oh how naive of you, you dumb stupid bitch. You always get played. You got played again. They keep doing it to you. They will keep doing it to you. Why won't you stop. You can't be anymore cautious. You can't be anything. Dumb dumb dumb dumb. Unloved unwanted. You're rubbing the heel of your shoe over the last pieces of my melanin teacup. Fragile self. Got what vulnerability gets me. 

He didn't tell you who he is. He never told you. Fuck you. That's what. You don't get it do you? 

Cheh. What a waste. Disappointing. Unpleasant. When will you walk the way you're meant to? 

Meagre, old, lousy self. You thought you could get the winds you wanted huh? Fly? Oh you wrench, you deserve the cold floors and old sores behind your back for stealing from all those who stayed for a while. You thief. You immoral pathetic thief. Have you no shame you liar. Can't even look at yourself can you? Can't even close your eyes and sleep can you? Coward to kill. Cowardly to end. 

 But I'll keep loving him. I am the same. It was in my head. My head plays with me. I can't not. I will hope. I will die with that hope. I will. I still love you. 

In a dark room of a house inside me. What a beautiful breakdown. 

I'll write a lot many poems before the sun sets.