12-09-2019

Individuals. Families. They have contributed so much to my being. I am what I am because of them. All the families I have lived with have taught me all that I know. Of  care, responsibility, empathy and things which I always wondered of as a child. I know the texture of  those feelings just like of a cloth which would slip through my fingertips for me to sense and realize. I have met so many people than I ever imagined to have been able to meet and it just makes me think how much more there is to offer to myself. I can gladly say that I have no regrets. For anyone or anything other than myself. I forget a lot of things but I accurately remember the difference each individual that I have met in now to be my 20 years has made to my thoughts, if not directly to my life.

Which is exactly why leaving people and distancing takes a toll. I realize how much I wish I could contribute to them because they have contributed to mine. It fails to feel like a fair exchange of thoughts and development. Of meaning. Bringing existence of value and more of a contribution to redundancy. It is something which makes the inert self take into account one's ability to be of a value. To at-least be close to that pedestal of experiential learning that I have gained from others , if not on the same. 

I am grateful to others to now have been with the once so foreign concepts of, mainly feelings. It would sound unnatural to others but I have, as far as I can remember, belonged to the zone of bewilderment when it comes to understanding the reasoning behind social behavior of people in my surroundings. And there is no one person to thank for the total generosity. My surroundings are what have parented me as equally or more than my biological parents. It is overwhelming to have gained that understanding of emotions and social behavior now and it is something which holds exponential depth, gravitas and spirit that it is difficult to articulate; Suffice to say that I learn from every encounter real or virtual. They make me interrogate. What I have, what I don't. Do I need it or do I want it. Social circles have modeled my thoughts if not my habits and impulses or reactions and somehow made my understanding of different situations more flexible and comparatively more if not ideally objective.